Dr. Squatchlove or Why you should start worrying and fear the Squatch!

Hello Friends! I'm in the mood to discuss a particular horror subgenre, "Sasquatch horror" or what I like to call it "Squatch Horror" *DISCLAIMER* It isn't actually a subgenre but it goddamn should be! *END DISCLAIMER* Honestly I'm shocked and appalled that there aren't that many squatch-centric horror flicks. I mean what's not scarier then an eight foot monkey  man roaming the woods with a hard on for skull crushing! *DISCLAIMER* Its never been scientifically proven that Sasquatches are a skull crushing  species. The point is they totally could be! *END DISCLAIMER* Have no fear my friends for I am going to give you a few examples of Squatch cinema to make your lives that much more awesome!

My first recommend is the cult classic "Legend of Boggy Creek". This is the Citizen Kane of Squatch horror movies! "Legend of Boggy Creek" is a 1970's docudrama about a small Arkansas town being terrorized by a large apelike creature the locals dub the "Fouke monster".

 

The film consists of interviews with Boggy Creek residents who had run ins with the supposed "Fouke monster". The film also contains reenactments of the said incidents. Incredibly acted reenactments at that *DISCLAIMER* Incredible acting is nowhere to be found in the "Legend of Boggy Creek". *END DISCLAIMER* . This film a blast to watch mostly due to its campy drive in feel! It has a little bit of everything : horror, action, adventure, comedy, musical numbers *DISCLAIMER* The musical bits don't feature a singing and dancing Sasquatch. Sorry to disenchant *END DISCLAIMER*. I have tried ever so desperately to find a picture of my favorite scene in the movie.  In a sense this is a good thing. It just means you'll be that much more blown away by the scene when you witness its glory! Trust me you'll know what scene I'm talking about once you see it. If you want a little tease all I'll say is this....if you're  building a cabin wayyyyyy deep in the woods. Don't put a window by the toilet! Especially if the aforementioned window is big enough for a Sasquatch to reach in and strangle you while you drop the kids off at the pool! Use common sense cabin builders! You're welcome!

 

My next recommend is "Sasquatch: The Legend of Bigfoot". Another 1970's docudrama. The film tells the tale of an expedition deep into the American wilderness to find the Sasquatch. In my opinion "Legend of Boggy Creek" is the better film however; I feel "Legend of Bigfoot" feels more like an authentic documentary with slightly better acting.  The film is a slow burner it takes a great amount of time before we actually see our favorite woodland menace *DISCLAIMER* Its also not scientifically proven that Sasquatches are a menace. I personally don't believe they are but that's for a future trip down the 13th floor *END DISCLAIMER*  No worries though our weary protagonists face other obstacles along the way i.e puma attack! That's right folks pumas and Sasquatches in the same movie! Why it didn't win best picture that year I'll never know!

 

Another great squatch horror flick is "Snow Beast"! Starring 70's badass Bo Svenson, "Snow Beast" takes place at a Colorado ski resort where skiiers are being savagely murdered by the Sasquatch's distant cousin the abominable snowman! For a made for TV movie its actually surprisingly well filmed *DISCLAIMER* Seriously it is! *END DISCLAIMER* The film features great location photography of the snowy Colorado mountains. The squatch in this flick is one gnarly mofo! Painting the white mountain trails red with the blood of his victims.

 

I'm going to shock you all. Absolutely no CGI is to be found in this picture! 

 

Unfortunately the Snow Beast made a mistake. He decided to terrorize the one Ski resort Bo Svenson was staying at. That's right folks in this one made for TV movie you witness Bo take on a Sasquatch. Let me tell you all their battle is an epic one! 

 

Bo Svenson ready to kick some Squatch ass!

 

After watching these your walks in the woods will no longer be carefree. You'll be looking over your shoulder and  jumping at every little sound. Just look into the surrounding forest and know you are not alone. They're out there. Keep your eyes peeled my readers muahahahaha!