This post is going to be a wee bit different then past posts. I'll start I by giving a brief synopsis and review about this heart warming and thought provoking piece of cinema. Then I'm going to get all Dr. Phil on your collective asses. Dr. Phil!? What in blazing hell am I talking about?! You'll just have to read on and see!
Released in 1975, "Ilsa She Wolf of the SS" is directed by Don Edmunds and stars the voluptuous Dyanne Thorne as Ilsa.
Now Ilsa has a very difficult and stressful job. She is the commandant of a Nazi prison camp dedicated to sadistic scientific experiments attempting to prove women can endure great physical torment better then men. What a feminist! *DISCLAIMER* I apologize for not writing this on "International Woman's Day" Would have been more appropriate I know *END DISCLAIMER* To get away from the hustle and bustle of her demanding research, Ilsa spends her after hours with the prison's male population.
She has the gents line up for inspection and she choses one of them to be her love monkey for the evening. Doesn't sound like a bad deal eh fellas? You're probably thinking something along the lines of " I'm not into the whole "Third Reich" deal but Jesus Christ on a bicycle Ilsa is smoking hot! How do I get sent to this camp!" Put away the tissues and the lube you randy bastard its really not that enticing of a situation. You see fellas Ilsa doesn't like it when your bullet leaves your luger too soon *DISCLAIMER* For those who can't decipher that cryptic metaphor I'll ease your minds. We're not talking about the gun *END DISCLAIMER* If this is to happen you lose your luger * DISCLAIMER* Still not talking about the gun *END DISCLAIMER*
Ohhhh the Humanity!
Ilsa meets her match in an American P.O.W who has the uncanny ability to not shoot his luger for a very VERY long time. The burly American uses this unique ability to put an end to Ilsa's reign of terror!
I shit you not my readers that is actually the plot of the film. There are some very gnarly scenes in this picture. Just when you think Ilsa's experiments can't get anymore vial or morally depraved....they do. This flick is truly a guilty pleasure of mine and will probably become one of yours. A dark twisted sense of humor is needed to watch this flick. Everything from the phony German accents to Ilsa's busty bullwhip totting sidekicks requires your tongue to be placed firmly in your cheek for the 90 minute runtime of this picture. This is a true balls to the walls exploitation film. Full of gratuitous sex and violence *DISCLAIMER* This film contains the master race of 70s boobs!*END DISCLAIMER*
There is a great chance you will not feel like a good person after watching this picture. You'll be repulsed out of your skull by what goes on in Ilsa's whacky laboratory but for some reason you won't think to turn the film off. Before you know it its over and the realization slowly kicks in that you just watched in its entity and you really can't recall covering your eyes during any of it you sick bastard! have no fear I've started a support group we meet in the basement of the local Arbys every Tuesday night. You're not alone troubled soul!
What truly makes Ilsa hilarious though is the disclaimer at the beginning of the film citing what you are about to watch is based on documented fact and that the film is dedicated to all those who lost their lives during the Nazis "heinous experiments". Great flick to honor their memory by. Dig your tongure deep into your cheek!
As you recall, I mentioned above that I was going to get "all Dr. Phil on your collective asses." You've patiently read through my review/synopsis and are now ready for an educational experience on the 13th floor. To all my readers who are either in a relationship or are married I have a question for you. Has the flame gone out in the boudoir? Are the ball gags and nipple clamps just not doing it for you anymore? Has your love life gone from raunchy to just ho hum? Take note while watching Ilsa. It will fill your kinky noggins with all sorts of ideas to keep things hot and morally ambiguous in the bedroom. If you have children I apologize to them. For I have a vision of little Timmy or Tina coming home early from school one day to find mommy clad in black Nazi SS attire showing daddy the business end of a bullwhip. I apologize for recommending you a movie that will inflict Godzilla sized mental scarring on your kiddies. What's life without being disturbed to your core? Boring that's what it is. See you next time on the 13th floor friends!
No comments:
Post a Comment