Monday, May 19, 2014

GODZILLA VERSUS THE MATING MUTOS...ROUND 1......FIGHT!

Welcome back wanderers! Your master with the third eye has decided to spice things up a bit on the 13th Floor. Instead of reviewing some ancient horror smut I've decided to review a flick that is hip happening and playing at the theatre near you *DISCLAIMER* Sorry to disappoint those who have come for their 70's boob fix. None will be found in this post I'm afraid but fear not tomorrow is another day muhaha*END DISCLAIMER* I've decided to dedicate this post to reviewing North America's latest entry in the monster/disaster flick "Godzilla"! 
I have been anxiously awaiting for this flick since seeing the teaser trailer earlier this year. As a much younger man I devoured the old goofy Godzilla flicks watching several back to back on a daily basis. Just couldn't get enough of watching some dude in a rubber suit take on a hundred tons of cardboard cities. Upon hearing that Hollywood was going to make another attempt at the Big "G", I was worried fans would have another "Broderick" incident on their hands. I'm hear to tell you all that you have nothing to fear because this latest entry is fan-freaking-tastic!
A large part of the film's success lies in the fact that this two hours of monster madness actually has a really decent storyline which is revealed at a comfortably slow pace.
 Opening in  1999, nuclear physicist Joe Brody (Bryan Cranston) investigates  strange patterns of atomic activity that threatens to destroy  the power plant where he and his wife (Juliette Binoche) are employed. After warning the higher ups that cataclysmic doings are transpiring, Brody is dismissed as a crack pot and his warnings are ingored *SPOILER* They were wrong *END SPOILER* Tragedy ensues....
Flash ahead Fifteen years later, Joe Brody's son Ford Brody ( Aaron Taylor Johnson) is called to Japan to bail his old dad out of Jail after he was caught snooping around the supposed "quarantine" area. Ford agrees and flies to Japan after becoming reacquainted with his estranged father the two set off to uncover the monster of all cover-ups *CONFESSION* Pun greatly intended *END CONFESSION* It appears the plant brody and his Wife were working at was really a smoke screen covering up the existence of giant insectlike monsters referred to as MUTOS (Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organism)
 
Kooky old Doc Joe Brody theorizes the two MUTOS (one male one female mind you) have been communicating to each other from across the globe via echolocation.  Little did they know that a  alpha preadator who goes by the name of Godzilla was listening in on their little echo-chats. This causes the big "G" to track these rascally creatures down and give them a proper arsewhooping!
 What was interesting to me was the film handled Godzilla  as a sort of mythic being. Instead of being the product of nuclear testing Godzilla is one of the last of his  species that existed long before the dinosaurs and that these alleged ":nuclear tests" were actual attempts to destroy the beast. Not to spoil anything but its a good thing these were failed attempts otherwise humanity would be MUTO dung by now. 
This brings me to something else I found interesting was that the filmmakers chose Godzilla to be the hero of the film rather then be the menace. This was a great shout out to the original Japanese Godzilla flicks which often showed a Godzilla fighting to save humanity.  Not too mention Godzilla hasn't looked this good in a long time! The visual effects artists did a top notch job in making Godzilla one badass beast with a hard on for havoc!
 
The film has a dark and menacing tone which made it an even more enthralling viewing experience. Although dark there was a sort of tongue and cheek melodramatic feel which made it fun. The film does have its weaknesses though mostly in the acting, (Aaron Taylor Johnson I'm looking at you) I realize complaining about acting and character development in a disaster flick is like complaining there are too many people smoking dope at a Grateful Dead concert but its worth noting that there is a lack of chemistry between all the human protagonists *DISCLAIMER* This being said there is great chemistry between Godzilla's feet and the MUTO's collective arses *END DISCLAIMER*.    The film's slow pace help make it a suspenseful watch. For the first 30 ought minutes we are only treated to small little hints of the title monster but let me tell you he makes one hell of an entrance. The scenes were Godzilla and the MUTOs duke it out are flippin killer and exciting scenes. Want a to have a blast at the movies go see Godzilla!
 

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

"Just keep going straight til you reach a burning pentagram....THEN TURN THE HELL AROUND!!!!"

Hello Wanderers tis me the 3 Eyed Master of the 13th floor. What's the deal with my third eye you ask? That's not important right now and I will explain that whole nonsense later *DISCLAIMER* Maybe *END DISCLAIMER* What is truly important right now is that I write to you my readers about a wonderful little motion picture I just watched (Watched with all 3 eyes mind you) entitled "Race with the Devil" Fasten your seat belts minions the ride is going to get rough....

I just purchased this delightful piece of horror cinema yesterday at a local mecca of used horror goodies.  It was the title and the picture of a shotgun wielding Warren Oates that caught my interest at first. When I spun around the dvd case and read the synopsis on the back I fell head over heels over this find.  
The film centers around buddies til the end Roger (Fonda) and Frank (Oates).  In desperate need for a vacation, the two purchase an RV with the plans of heading to Aspen Colorado with their lovely wives portrayed by Lara Parker and Loretta Switt  *CONFESSION* Seeing Mrs. Switt listed in the cast was a major selling point in picking this flick up.  If you're not familiar with who she is that probably means you've never seen and or heard of MASH. If this is the case then after reading this blog you are going to do everything in your power to see it and become acquainted with Major Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan. *END CONFESSION*  On their way to Aspen our weary travelers pull down a deserted road and find a nice secluded spot to set up camp for the night. After dinner Roger and Frank drunkenly shoot the shit when they notice an odd scene taking place nearby.
 
The odd scene in question is a true honest to Lucifer Black Mass! One thing I absolutely love in horror films is a good old fashioned Satanic shindig and the one that takes place in "Race with The Devil" is truly one of the best ones these three eyes have seen. It contains all the right ingredients of a tasty horror movie Satanic ritual: Eerie chanting,black robed devil worshipping baddies,a scary ass High priest and  enough 70's boobs to cause a 24 hour long unholy stiffy!
 
While witnessing this ritual Frank and Roger mistakingly alert the cultists of their presence which leads to one of the film's many suspenseful chase scenes.  You read correctly my ghouls this film has absolutely batshit insane chase scenes that put French Connection and Bullit to shame!
 
Car chases, Satanists and Loretta Switt OHHHH MY!
"Race with the Devil" is one helluva chiller as well. My spine tingled more then once my watching this. After "escaping" the Satanists for the first time *DISCLAIMER* Escaped is in quoatation marks because little do our heroes know they really haven't escaped the devil folk *END DISCLAIMER* the gang take refuge at a campsite. To wash off the stress of being chased by cloaked Satanists in the dead of night the wives decide to take a dip in the pool.
 Why does Mrs Parker look so distressed you ask? She's distressed because she's come to realize sinister eyes are surrounding her, gazing on her with eerie interest. have they truly escaped? You'll just have to find out!
"Race with the Devil" is  a straight outta hell blast to watch! Do yourselves a favor and track this picture down if you want some Devilish thrills and chills! Hope this film enlightens you wanderers as it enlightened your Three Eyed Master. Safe travels my friends!
 
Egads is that a rattlesnake in the RV?!?!?!?! How did it get in there?!?!?!?!