The 6 Steps to Ouija Sex: How to be single and still have fun on Valentines Day!

Greetings Wanderers!
 Lets face it, being single on this celebrated day of February 14th blows and in this golden age of social media  it blows even fiercer. One is constantly reminded that they are in fact a Han without a Leia or vise versa on Valentines day when they log on to their social media site of their choosing. Reading through newsfeeds filled with "Flowers from Bae" and "V-day dinnr with Bae" *DISCLAIMER* The term Bae needs to be brought to an end. If you in fact use the word stop it right now! *END DISCLAIMER* Don't let all those happy couples get you down, you can still have an exciting day without  red tube and lube and I'm going to show you all how. You've all heard of phone sex correct? Well have you heard of Ouija Sex?! Didn't think so.  Now I know you're thinking to yourself "Gee Whiz sir how do I have Ouija sex?!" Well I'm going to answer that question in these quick and easy steps.

Step 1: Buy, borrow, steal or craft a Ouija Board. 

That's One of the beauties of Ouija Sex its a no mess setup. Depending on how enticing an experience it is it might be a messy cleanup....just saying. 

Step 2: Get yourself looking Fine!

They may be spirits but they still have standards


Step 3: Find a quiet and solitary place.

Preferably a cemetery 

Non preferably and old abandoned prison. 

STep 4: Have google translate at the ready

Not all ghosts and ghouls speaky the Englie I'm afraid so its best to be at the ready. One little slip up in translation will have you being a goat headed demon's love monkey for the evening.

Step 5 : Find a Pickup Line.

Now these poltergeists and bandshees don't fall for any tired old pick up line. Put the brains to it son or daughter. Once you come up with a clever one, sit at the board and repeat it like a mantra until the planchett moves. "I put the S.T.D in stud and all I need is a U"  always works for me but its mine and you can't have it .

Step 6:  Ouija Responsibly

As we have all learned from countless horror films. Not all spirits are particularly friendly . SO be safe . Be sure to ask your contact lots of questions in order to get a feel for who or what in the hell they really are. If you ask them for their names and they  spell out S.A.T.A.N then shut it down!  But if you've found yourself a fun loving spirit to talk filthy with keep it going right into the late hours of the night.